Wombtwin survival

Have you ever heard this expression and wondered what it is referring to? Well a simple definition of a wombtwin survivor is “someone who shared the womb with one or more other foetuses and who experienced the death of their sibling or siblings in utero or at birth”. Sometimes the loss happens very early in the pregnancy and it’s as if the twin vanishes. This is why the term ‘vanishing twin’ is sometimes used.

My twin died in the womb so I am a wombtwin survivor and have a particular interest in this phenomenon and the psychological implications for the surviving twin. I am also aware of the painfully challenging experience for the parents involved in wombtwin loss. On the one hand couples are readying themselves for the arrival of a precious baby while at the same time they are grieving the tragic loss of their other child.

For the child who is a wombtwin survivor, typical signs include:

• crying for no apparent reason

• afraid to be left alone

• attraction to twos

• attraction to the ‘broken’

• fascination with reflection in a mirror and talking to self in a mirror

• an imaginary friend

• intense attachment to a pet or doll

For the adult wombtwin survivor, typical psychological signs include:

• survivor guilt

• feeling of vulnerability

• living life in half measure or living for two

• anger

• feeling abandoned and anticipating abandonment

• needing constant reassurance of love

• sabotaging

• caregiving to an extreme

• searching for a soul-mate

• an irrational fear of death

• eating disorders

• a searching

• a profound sense of loss or loneliness

• difficulty trusting, difficulty with commitment

• deeply intuitive and empathic

• depression

• a painful sense of isolation

• low self-esteem

• addictions

• suicidal thoughts

This is a huge topic and affects many. Studies indicate that at least 1 in 8 of us maybe wombtwin survivors and cognitively we may not even know it! At the same time, if this was our experience, we will know it at a cellular level and many of the psychological signs above may be present in us.

If you are interested in finding out more about this topic, I am happy to recommend a book written by Althea Hayton called “Un-twinned”. I met and worked with Althea a number of times before her death in 2014. You also may be interested in a special retreat for wombtwin survivors, their family, friends and therapists working in this field. Please see my retreats page for further information.